beginning-of-a-new-year-thank-you's

.Jake. For (most incidentally) inspiring this post. For (vastly more importantly) being what the definition of a friend is, even though he didn't know me all that well to begin with. For looking me in the eye and saying that You're trying so hard to understand everyone else's point of view and take everyone's side, but someone's gotta take your side, 'cause you're not doing it. And for being right about that. For opening my eyes not only to social / political injustices in the world outside, but also to injustices and errors I commit on the inside--and for being an advocate through it all. I can only hope that someday it will become a fair exchange.

.Joe. For showing me, for the first time in my life and in all my relationships, that I might actually possibly be deserving of something good, deserving of something whole and of someone kind, despite how neurotic I am, despite how impossible I am, despite how nutty I am. for showing me that things still might be okay and I might actually still get a chance at something good and lovely anyway. You have made me believe I have a chance, when before the future looked like one miserable bout after another.

.Kelsey. For being my absolute unequivocal and always irreplaceable Best Buddy Friend Forever since junior high school. My heart is yours. I have so much to learn from you about bowing down before life's lessons, and about facing everything with less fear and judgement. i cannot wait to be eight-six with you.

.Chris. For teaching me what those buttons do and unintentionally opening a whole new world to me, and for teaching me the needs of the heart and soul as they are writ large across worlds, cultures, lifetimes and peoples. You are my teacher of social integrity. I will always buy you a beer as long as I live.

.Vanessa. I didn't know what would happen to me when I gave you my phone number so you could come over and practice playing pool on my shitty rec-room table, but you're made my life vaster and richer, and made me feel less alone in the world of women. In a sandy desert of featureless normalcy, you are my oasis of wonderful miraculous wildness.

.Tana. For being the most amazing and wonderful roommate ever, and I want to tell you that I am SO, so so so sorry for being a slob all those times and for the evil upstairs neighbor. If I could, I'd set fire to him.

.Ryan Freitas. I don't know you, and you barely know me as a friend of an old friend. But watching your blog every day showed me a new way to let my soul spill out on a page, in a safe place where I could begin to take risks and write without fear. Gangcandy has gone silent of late, and I miss it, but thank you for it; and if I ever write a book culled from my blog bits, or extrapolated therefrom, I will have you to thank for it. Your writing gave me inklings of what an incredible vehicle for self-expression and self-creation a blog could be.

.all the blog pals I've made since. You guys are great. I promise some day I'll update my site with a picture. I swear. No, really.
Honestly, though, thanks for showing me the beginnings of community on the most-impersonal of communcation modalities, the computer. i didn't think it was possible and you proved me wrong.

.Mom and Dad. There are no words. I love you.

.All my pals and friends, near and far. Even to New York and France. yes, you. :) You are my sunshine.

A-fucking-men. Now THIS is how you start a New Year. Wooooooohooooo!

Hope this one kicks ass for you too, dear reader.

best,
-michele.