overhaul / undertow

Thursday, June 13, 2002

insert hysterical laughter here

Guess what happened to me this morning?

Yes, folks, I am beginning to get a bit of a god complex. Why? Well, a little under a month ago I was rear-ended on Franklin Avenue, near my house. And yet again, this morning at approx. 9:45, it occurred again, within three blocks of the first event!

I was just sitting there at a stop. Minding my own business. Again. (Maybe that's the problem--maybe I should never just zone out while waiting at a stoplight again.) And then I heard a screech, and I looked in the rearview with horror--can this really be happning again?!!?--to see the couple in the car behind me lurch forward with a look of panic and thump into my bumper.

I did not hit anyone, thank god. I was the fourth car, with no visible damage, save maybe a little scrathc, but that could have been preexisting.

I was fuming and laughing and everything all at once. I jerked myself out of the car and marched back, to see the couple behind me emerge from their little sedan--and I cried, "This is nuts! I just got rear-ended here a month ago! This is a rental car! blah blah blah..." and the man looked at me with a measure of horror mixed with general confusion. His wife looked quizzical and nonplussed. "Zees eez a rental car too," he began with a thick accent, "and we are French!"

I stared at him for a second, and then sat down on the curb and just began laughing. I'm sure they thought I was nuts.

I gave them all my info and left. Fuck it. Nothing happened to my car, and I simply cannot deal with this again. I helped the French couple get all the information they needed from the driver who hit them and told them to go get a drink. They laughed.

Like I said, I'm getting a bit of an invincibility complex. I've always been sure god was trying to have me taken out, but now I'm wondering if there isn't some equal and opposite force preventing this from occurring. I'd like to think it was my own strength of will. Maybe I have some purpose after all. Maybe satan just wants my soul. hee hee hee hoo ha.....

I donno. Maybe life is just a fucking crazy-ass trip.

Speaking of asses. Did I mention I tripped the other day and fell on my ass, right here in my office? Ya, people falling over are always funny, but this is even better: I bounced. No, the carpet was not all fluffy and padded. I think I was.

Yes, folks, I bounced. My ass is one big built-in safety feature. If I could drive around in my ass, now, no mere car accident could ever harm me.

Once again, my point proved about how I get into scrapes and somehow manage to survive okay.

I'd just bounce right off.



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