overhaul / undertow

Friday, September 26, 2003

ah, there's where you're wrong...

Someone wrote this to me: "I like the way you write. You seem to be someone that could talk to me for hours and I would listen, listen, listen and enjoy it."

Never, my friend, equate someone whose writing you like with someone whose physical company or whose conversation you will enjoy. I am very different in person, and it takes a long time of getting-to-know-me before i can begin to trust you enough to talk to you the way I write to...well, to anyone.

I had one horrible boyfriend--we were together for five tortured, stupid years (but in retrospect, after much time has passed, I can see all I *did* get from the relationship, and the parts I played in its dysfunction--but oh well), who told me he fell in love with me when I wrote to him, but that for some reason, sadly, he confessed he never felt that way about me when I communicated to him in person.

Now there's a mindfuck. No wonder I hide behind this computer.

I really shouldn't post this, as you'll all think I'm some mystery creature, comletely divorced from my writing. It's not true at all. The writing is my soul, my heart--the real me. It's my own shortcoming that I am too shy and scared to be as forthright (usually--unless, like I said, I really know and trust you) in person. I think mebbe it goes back to grade school, where I got laughed at for using big words.

Ah well. Life goes on.



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