overhaul / undertow

Wednesday, July 24, 2002

Riddle me this: Is the only solution to depression or existential doubt (which often generates depression--if there's anyone out there who knows how to coexist with existential crises and not become depressed, let me know) distraction?

Is there any other solution? Is there a "meaning" to it all?

When I'm in a down-node on my little sine wave of life, I see through my weekly and daily and yearly distractions, the transparency of life or whatever, and realize it's all for nothing, and those times are truly awful.

The rest of the time, when I'm on the upswing, I think to myself, "Well, it may all be so much sound and fury, signifying nothing, but these things are good: love, connection, creativity, beauty, laughter, wonder, bravery, risks taken and surmounted, joy in the moment, etc etc etc."

Admittedly though, those things all seem like distractions from the real problem.

So. Is there any other way out of the "nothing means anything" conundrum? Don't get me wrong, I love distraction, especially the "life" kind that is about all that list I rattled off above. But sometimes those things on the list are variable, they come and go, they aren't reliable. And I can sit there and hope they'll come back to help me out, but even hope is not reliable. Not a sure thing.

So what is?


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