overhaul / undertow

Thursday, August 08, 2002

Diet Land--just like disneyland, but with more paper bags

I checked my hotmail account to find this spam, courtesy of hotmail itself, there in my inbox [along with other prepackaged ads for tv shows (american idol) and various web-based products (hotmail at a monthly rate, anyone? anyone? hello?)....but this struck me as particularly sinister, positioned as it was directly adjacent to an ad for school supplies:

"For dieting ideas:
"There is no time like now to get your weight under control. Sign up for WebMD’s Dieting Dish for the latest studies on nutrition and weight loss from the world of dieting."

The "world of dieting?" There's a whole world dedicated to dieting? And I didn't know about this? I mean, c'mon ladies, I always wondered, but I never really believed there could be a whole other solar satellite dedicated to the pursuit of physical perfection. And here I was, totally missing the whole boat. I always wondered what you gals seemed so immured in discussion about during bridal showers and at lunch break over your Jenny Craig prepackaged $38.00 entrees the size of my left fist (thumb excluded), but I never hoped in my wildest dreams that this was a real world unto itself. But now....now I know. And knowing is half the battle. Soon I can be emaciated--or at least obsessed to the degree that all topics of discussion other than body weight and exercise are off-limits--just like the rest of you!!! Yay! Finally I'll fit in! Let's all be friends and bond now over our latest Shape magazines!

I really don't know what else to say on this topic. I guess it pretty much stands on its own. All that's left is to make pre-teen girls feel inadequate for not having index fingers long enough to gag themselves with. "What? Can't purge like the other girls?!? Don't worry--with Carpa-Grow, your fingers will be long, lovely, graceful, and attenuated enough to choke yourself in three short weeks! Just four easy payments of $19.99! Be sure to ask your parents' permission first--but don't worry, they'll be so proud of you when you lose those extra inches off your 13-year-old hips!"

Ugh. I think I'm gonna puke.


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