overhaul / undertow

Thursday, November 21, 2002

[shotgun] blast from the past

Well, I feel a lot better today than I did last night. Jeez. Sometimes I go thru the worst spots. It never makes much sense to me.

Got an email today. Someone remind me not to check my emails while at work.

It was from an old flame. He hasn't written since we broke it off. He called me a few times but we never had anything to say to each other. When he called I wouldn't return his calls.

No, I am not a callous bitch. This man dangled me on for about six, seven months of unadulterated emotional-rollercoaster hell. I was in love. He liked to kiss me when we were drunk. I'd think it was the earth moving under my feet. He manipulated me, broke my heart, met a nice girl and decided she was his girlfriend. I decided I couldn't be around him and stay stable one more second.

This email told me that his band had cut some demos and did I want to hear them? Did I have an email account he could mail them to, as they were a certain amount of megs large?

I feel as though someone's punched me in the gut.

If I *were* to write back, I'd say, "Hi. Fuck off. If you want the radio station to play your stupid songs, mail them to the damn station. Not me. Sincerely, Michele."

'Cause I guess that's really the only reason he's writing, is 'cos he thinks I might play the music on my show. He used to come in with me, back when we were friends, and we'd co-deejay the show.

It was fun.

I don't think I'm going to write back.

I am fine. It's like walking along the side of the road, and a random car swerves by and shots are fired. You duck, you wait a bit, you keep walking.


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