overhaul / undertow

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

I am not alone

The Onion Domesticorner presents

For fresh, disinfected air, pour Lysol into the humidifier.
Have you had it with the drudgery of constantly scrubbing that dirty kitchen floor? Boo-fucking-hoo, Toots.
Once a week, tell yourself, "Man, I really gotta clean up this dump one of these days."
Keep a range-top burner on low flame at all times to eliminate airborne kitchen germs.
Jesus Christ, there's a thing called shelves, you pig.
If you are female, don't clean a thing. Cleaning promotes sexist stereotypes about women.

...and I'd like to add:

That lint-roller for your sweaters works damn fine on the carpet, too.
Gross kitchen floor? Cover it up with your trusty rug.
Got dirt in the corners? Bleach it. That way no one will see it.
If you don't have enough paper towels or 409 to clean the oventop, that's ok. Just wipe the grease in an evenly-dispersed manner over the whole surface. That way it will look clean. And so shiny.
Carpet spot? Scissors cut it out right nice.

and my personal fave, although not household-related:

Shoes scuffed beyond repair? Worry not! One word: Krylon.


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