I sent my big camping-type stuff to the playa tonight with Hippie Steve: my rebar stakes, camp chair, tools, conduit connectors, my 'lil bike, and--coolest of all--my new tent, which I purchased just this morning. I was driving down Topanga Canyon Boulevard thinking about how I should go to Big 5 to see if there were any tents on sale, when I saw right on the side of the road, in front of an apartment complex, a big tent. It had a "garage sale" sign on it. I pulled in. It was twenty bucks. SOLD.

Nice big 8' x 8' Coleman tent, barely used.

So I gave all that to Steve, and asked him to also pick up some water for me on the way up.

For all this I gave him $140. I know he deserved it, esp. with the water which will require extra work from him, but I'm recalling I also will have to kick down for gasoline when I carpool up--gasoline for an RV--and I'm wondering, Exactly how does NOT driving myself, save me any money?

I feel like I'd save a lot more money if I drove myself.

But the car is old, and my family, with whom I live right now, would plotz if I attempted to drive there (only child syndrome), and also would freak cos the car is so old & has so many miles on it.

I just sorta feel like I'm handing over all this money, just to avoid upsetting my parents over the car thing.

Ugh.

I really need to save this money to move out. That's what needs to happen more than me even going to burning man.

Am I wasting my money when I should be applying it towards, like, growing up?

I'm 28, and I live at home, and I was unsuccessful after a decade out of the house on my own. I fucked up adult life, and now I'm fucking around going to burning man when I should be acting like a fucking adult and getting the hell out of here.

I'm in a bad mood.