overhaul / undertow

Friday, August 16, 2002

the slow, inevitable process of decay, or everything falls apart. some things sooner than others.

I just bought this new underwear two weeks ago. Ok, fine, its a trashy iridescent blue thong. With sparkles. Yes, little sequins all over it. I had a roommate once who had the craziest, trashiest, goofiest underwear (we're talking metallic and rainbow and little silk and plastic flowers and silkscreened and ten bazillion clashing colors and holographic prints and how-the-hell-do-you-put-this-string-on kind of things) which I'd always see hung everywhere in her room, since as every true collector of trashy underwear knows, you gotta wash this stuff by hand and air-dry it or it'll melt, disintegrate, or poof into the ether (or into the hands of some creepy upstairs neighbor cruising the laundry room).

So I asked her why the insanity, and she told me that she simply thought it was fun, and funny, and a pleasant sort of diversion, and she just simply had a penchant for collecting the craziest underwear she could find. And I realized she made complete sense and began doing it myself too.

(Watch, now my site's gonna get all these sicko hits from people running pervy keyword searches on google for "trashy" and "underwear." Ugh. Hey, you, I graduated from a UC with a magna cum laude! I am more than my underwear! Fuck off!)

Ahem. So anyways, I bought this glorious new thingy, and now two weeks later and two gentle delicate hand-washes later, it's shedding sequins like you won't believe, and I'm finding them everywhere--god knows how they migrate, but they're all over (oddly enough, the underwear appears to remain intact, and it's hard to find any missing sequins--almost as if they were magically manifesting themselves, some eternally renewable resource of blue sequins)--and now, now, scariest of all,

they are appearing here at my workplace.

I have so far counted five on the hallway floors here. It is very disconcerting. I don't want to pick them up because I feel it would be somehow incriminating: "Me? Heh, heh haha, aha...ha...er, no, no, these didn't come from me, no, of course not..."

Five sequins and counting. We'll see where we stand by the end of the day.


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