overhaul / undertow

Monday, August 16, 2004

I've gotten to a place where I can acknowledge that my problems are bigger than me--not just the drinking / drug problem, but a crapload of other problems are bigger than me as well. I have a lot of options, and I have a myriad of choices I can make, and I can be an empowered person, but it's important to realize, I think, just how much is out of my hands and how much is subject simply to the whims of circumstance, or the tao, or whatever you wanna call it. Dylan's "force that drives the green fuse" is also the force that blows out my tire, makes my computer crash, or presents me with a passive-agressive parent. And yeah, it's bigger than me.

What's weird is how that's relatively easy to admit, but why is it so hard to admit the possibility that forces equally as vast could shape my life in GOOD ways--that the grace, the luck, the serendipity that mark my life could not also be the result of forces greater than myself?


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